Limericks and Politics by Rotimi Fawole @TexTheLaw

It’s probably not intentional, but the limericks have veered, in a most determined fashion, into the theatre of politics since the turn  of the year. Perhaps it’s the season the country is in, with all the political intrigue already “heating up the polity”. For those who follow the politics, here’s my take on the events. For those who don’t, maybe this will spark your interest, as the question of who our leaders should be has never been more important.

1. General Muhammadu Buhari reportedly said here that the All Progressives Congress would groom tomorrow’s leaders. Pretty rich, coming from him, as he’s turned 70 and seems to wish to contest in 2015’s presidential elections  in spite of the fact that he’s participated and lost in every election since 1999.

A frequent Prez Contestant

Thrice lost,but unrepentant

Announced that his party

Will groom leaders, lawdy

He’s not even groomed a lieutenant

Click here to view the embedded video.

2.  The  YouTube video above went viral. It showed a Kenyan lady remarking tongue-in-cheek about how dazzled they were when President Jonathan came to Kenya with Nigerian businessmen, in a “convoy” of 7 private jets. It was a non-story, a chuckle and a half, until Dr. Reuben Abati (Special Assistant to the President on Media/Communications) tweeted this:

@elrufai @omojuwa Stop spreading lies.Pres. Jonathan was in Kenya with only 1 aircraft.Provide concrete evidence to the contrary or shut up.

— Reuben Abati (@abati1990) January 2, 2014

And this…

@lindaikeji An absolute lie. President Jonathan did not go to Kenya with 7 jets. Prove it, Linda.

— Reuben Abati (@abati1990) January 2, 2014

There once was a journo named Reuben

Committed to Naija improving

Now works to de-slander

Design propaganda

A pity I can’t say he’s winning.

 

There once was a journo named Reuben

Attacked the govt by lampooning

These days it’s his job

To earn a few bob

By angry retort & disproving

 

In Kenya’bout Jon it was said

To Nairobi 7 aircraft he led

It’s blown Reuben’s fuse

Challenging the news

On TABLOIDS where it’s being read.

 

So “seven” is said to be lucky

But it’s made our poor Reuben plucky

He’s pissed at the lie

“Shut Up”, “Go and Die”

Or chillax & have a kentucky

 

3. The hawks continue to circle Princess Stella Oduah, the Nigerian Minister of Aviation. First it was the scandal of the purchase of 2 armoured BMWs for $1.6m. Now, it has been alleged that she hasn’t been totally honest about her graduate studies. Shortly after the story broke, it was reported further that her aides had frantically cleaned up all her online profiles (LinkedIn, Facebook, Wikipedia and the Aviation Ministry’s website), removing all references to the questioned MBA and PhD. No statement on this yet from the presidency. Meanwhile, it was also reported that the President had, in anger, asked the outgoing CBN governor (tenure expires in June) to resign (story here) – for publicly alleging that over $40bn (!!!) of oil revenue was unaccounted for, when the true figure was closer to only $10bn.

For Princess,a new revelation

Times Premium in investigation

Is casting a doubt

(Abeg I can’t shout)

On Stella Oduah’s education

 

In spite of the Grand Renovation

It’s tricky,this school situation

Should all that she’s built

Absolve her of guilt

If she fibbed’bout her education?

 

The prez wants SLS to go

For leakage to ex-presido

And 10 lost, not 40

That letter was naughty

But Sanusi, boldly, says NO.

 

So Goody would have Lami go

For daring to spotlight the dough

But on his princess

He will not address

The beamers and CV, no, no.

 

4. Britain and Nigeria signed an agreement to deport each other’s convicted nationals to serve out their sentences in their home countries. The conspiracy theory mill swung into overdrive, anticipating that James Ibori, convicted former governor, would be one of the beneficiaries, and that he would receive a state pardon very quickly thereafter, making him eligible to actively participate in politics again.

The Crown and the Giant of Dreams

(Cos Scrubs were a-burst at the seams)

Today they agree

Our prisoners are free

To serenade Alagbon with their screams

 

If you’re stuck in Jail-Upon-Thames

And tired of bars, grills  and frames

And hail from Nigeria

Well, cue the hysteria

You’re being brought back with King James

 

5. Pastor Chris Okotie, another perennial presidential “perspirant”, says God has told him to contest again in 2015.

Old pop star, though Fresh politician

In throes of divine proposition

Has recently said

He will go ahead

Contest in the coming election

 

6. Adams “dashes” hawker N1m, OBJ gives notice of intention to leave the PDP, MINTY Nigeria and the APC continues to welcome EVERYONE from the PDP.

There once was a guv’nor in Edo

Who lived by a different credo

Splashed widows and hawkers

Turned us into gawkers

Is he making an “eminado”?

 

Our leaders, their eyes are a-glint

While activists say they are skint

These ignorant few

Have not seen the view

Of Nigeria in the MINT!

 

Ex prez of the Khaki and Lace

In grand political volte face

Is leaving the coven

Will said crimes be proven

For now, we must all watch this space

 

It can’t be a happy prognosis

This grand political osmosis

For when you embrace

The gunk from that place

You’re bound to contract a necrosis

 

The state legislator named Lloyd

By macey-head escapade buoyed

Has been apprehended

For innards distended

As fleeing with ‘Maechi he toyed

(Read the Lloyd story here).

 

And the piece de resistance…

There was a Frenchman named Francois

Who broke Le Gold Rule du Boudoir

He stuck his baguette

In une autre palette

His Mrs is ill, ooh la la.

 

And a Few Others…

In 0-13s month of December

A husband got sliced on his member

But, peculiar life

He’s back with his wife

 

Uhm, wake me up, end of September.

A thought for the reds of Manchester

Because them again we must pester

4th home loss in 6

Can Moyesy still fix

Or does Alex need a de-rester?